I was an introverted, low confidence boy during my school days. I wasn’t the best student, and life always felt like a quiet journey where I struggled to find my place. After clearing my 10th grade, I joined 1st PUC, and that’s when I met her. At first, it was just a casual crush, something every boy goes through like the fleeting infatuations we have with celebrities. It was innocent, nothing serious. At the time, she was already in a relationship with someone, someone I didn’t particularly admire.
Soon after, she got close to another boy someone else who, in my eyes, wasn’t all that different. I saw them getting emotionally close, becoming friends who shared a bond. I didn’t interfere; I was too quiet and unsure of myself. I watched from a distance, never truly understanding the depths of her emotions. In 2nd PUC, her mother joined as a lecturer, and it wasn’t long before the truth came to light. She had been in a relationship with the first boy, and the revelation caused a whirlwind of emotions. There was drama, frustration, and tears
She was deeply hurt by the situation, and eventually, she broke up with him. It didn’t end there, though. A few days later, I learned that she was caught flirting with another boy during a trip. I didn’t attend the trip my parents didn’t allow me to. But during this time, she became close to him, trying to figure out her emotions. Her mother caught wind of it again, leading to more frustration and tears. Despite all the chaos, she found someone who, without judgment, was there to support her. That person was me.
I wasn’t confident, I didn’t have all the answers, and I wasn’t sure of myself. But I was there, offering her guidance and emotional support when no one else could. I didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear; instead, I gave her advice based on what I thought was best, trying to help her manage her feelings. Over time, something shifted. She started to like me, to care for me. What began as confusion slowly turned into love. But as much as I wanted to be there for her, I struggled with my own inner turmoil. I had a dual personality that I hadn’t fully understood at the time.
Much like the character Satya Shiva from *Kotigobba 2*, I had two sides to me. One side of me was warm, emotional, and supportive just like how she was. I cared for her deeply, and I wanted to be there for her. But the other side was filled with pride, ego, and a tendency to push people away. It was like I had two contrasting personalities battling within me, and it confused both her and myself. During this time, I also made mistakes that I deeply regret. My circle of friends wasn’t the best.
I got caught up in the wrong crowd, and, driven by my own insecurity and dual nature, I ended up teasing and bullying her when she would get possessive or show her ego towards me. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I think I was trying to protect myself, to distance myself from feelings I didn’t know how to handle. My friends, too, didn’t help matters. They had a bad reputation in front of the lecturers, and I got swept up in their behavior. I was trying to fit in, but it only added to the confusion.
When I was around them, I’d adopt a different persona someone who didn’t care much about others, who teased and mocked. But as soon as I left that circle, my personality would change. I’d go back to being quiet, trying to be the “good boy” who wasn’t a part of the chaos I created. It was exhausting, and I know it made things harder for her. Her character was complex, much like the one I had come to realize within myself. She was strong, yet at times, vulnerable. She wore her emotions on her sleeve, and while it made her seem intense to some, it was this passion and authenticity that I admired.
She wasn’t afraid to show her feelings, even if it led to some tumultuous moments. She could be fiercely independent, yet she still craved connection and understanding. It was this mix of strength and vulnerability that made her unique and unlike anyone I had ever met. I know she struggled with her own emotional turmoil, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t capable of deep love and loyalty. Her actions, though misunderstood by some, came from a place of learning about herself, of navigating through the complexities of young emotions.
She wasn’t perfect, but none of us are. She was just trying to find herself in a world that didn’t always understand her. As time passed, I noticed the depth of her feelings for me. It was something that grew gradually, quietly, as we both faced our own personal battles. But my duality was a challenge for her. She never knew which side of me she would get the emotional, understanding side or the distant, prideful side that pushed her away. It confused her, just as it confused me. But through it all, we both learned more about ourselves, about what it means to truly connect with someone.
Despite everything, she was never someone who used emotions for manipulation. She had depth she only connected emotionally when it meant something real. And even though her past included mistakes, heartbreak, and choices that many conservative families might not accept, what I observe now is different. She doesn’t flirt anymore. After all the emotional pain, she’s not like that. She’s changed. And the truth is, I respect that. Even in front of her mother, I always maintained a good reputation. I never crossed any line.
I didn’t want her mother to feel more embarrassed because of her daughter’s immature actions in the past. That dignity matters to me. What I did was correct because I believe in character and values. Today, I’ve grown. I’m mature enough to say this: I’m ready to accept her past. I understand that love is not about perfection. Yes, we live in a conservative society where a girl’s past is judged harshly-especially if it involves emotional or physical intimacy. But in her case, I know she connects only when she feels something deeply.
She wasn’t casual about her feelings, ever. That speaks volumes. I know now that love isn’t always about fairy tales. It’s about growth, understanding, and emotional connection. We both made mistakes, we both grew, and now, I’m ready. I don’t know if destiny has plans for us. But if it does, I’m not scared of her past. I’m only concerned about the person she is today.
Question: Can I accept her past?
Option 1: Yes, accept she might need a new chapter in life
Option 2: No, all girls are the same never ruin your life