I entered into a relationship a month ago with a girl from my department. Since the beginning of college, I didn’t interact much with girls, while she had many friends both male and female. She was in a four years relationship starting in Class 11, but her boyfriend cheated on her. After staying single for a year, I developed feelings for her and started sending her reels. She saw me as someone different, almost from “another universe,” and respected me a lot because of my academic excellence and skills.
After getting into a relationship, things have been going well, but trust issues have started to arise. Before we were together, she was very close to a male friend, and I had noticed this. Once we got into a relationship, I told her that no third person should come between us because I believe relationships should lead to marriage, not just be a passing phase. During a departmental event, she was with her group, including that male friend, while I observed from a distance.
She had already told me that no one should know about our relationship, as people would say she chose a partner she doesn’t deserve (I feel). I was fine with keeping it private, but seeing her comfortably interacting with him, taking pictures, and behaving as usual hurt me. That evening, I called her to meet and told her directly that she should inform her male friends about our relationship and set clear boundaries. She remained silent, deep in thought. Later, she admitted that she couldn’t do it immediately but would over time.
A few days later, I brought up the topic again, asking her to acknowledge our relationship openly and gradually distance herself from them. She responded that her friendship with that guy existed before our relationship, so it’s not easy for her to cut ties suddenly, but she is trying. My fear stems from a past betrayal back in school, one of my good friends got into a relationship with my ex.
Now, whenever she goes out with female friends, I can’t help but worry that she might be meeting that guy instead. Despite all this, I am someone who would never cheat and would rather wait to see if she does. However, the time and effort I am investing in this relationship make me question if it’s worth it especially when this is also a crucial period for building my career.
Question: Am I overthinking, or should I be concerned about my girlfriend’s close male friend?
Option 1: Trust her and give it time
Option 2: Set clear boundaries
Option 3: Focus on your career
Option 4: Re-evaluate the relationship