I was married at 23 to a 31 years old (divorced) man. I am divorced now. Grew up with absent, biased (as they have a soft corner for male child) parents. I used to do housework, study, and give tuitions for my fees payment. My father is not living with us, and my mother always wanted to work. For marriage, I said no. But they were offering to cover the wedding cost. And my mother couldn’t resist. I said no to that man, but… I was a perfect victim. He lied and managed to take me to Africa in just two months.
Since my own mother was not supporting me, I gave up my self defense (just the way Draupadi left her last piece of saree and bowed down to Krishna for help I did the same). There, he was rich enough to afford a maid, driver, etc., but he left me lonely there; he had friends. He was living with his elder brother and sister-in-law. They used to abuse me verbally so much. His mother visited us there and used to sleep in my bedroom with me and my husband every night. I complained to my husband about all this, but he tried to ignore me, shut me off.
His first wife had the same problem. He asked me to adjust and let go. We left his brother’s house and moved to a new place. I ignored the house members’ problems. But by then, he started drinking. Once I caught him talking dirty to some known ladies on his phone. I found this, and all the pieces fitted perfectly. He used to avoid conversations. I always used to wonder what’s wrong. But I got it. To mention he never physically harmed me, he never did anything wrong after drinking, but when I used to ask where have you been, or why are you late he used to throw things here and there.
Now the only thing I knew was I want to go back home alive anyhow. I managed and here, problems were waiting for me. My mother was giving me hell. I was very much ill (lost 10 kg in just two months) when I just came back, but she used to force me to make money. She wanted me to do all housework, cooking, make money, study for government exams, and serve her kid (ironing his clothes, serving him whenever he wants to eat, cleaning after he eats, cooking him whatever he wants to eat, etc.).
When divorce was happening, my husband was talking to me, saying come back, I will change, we will sort it out. But I was ill enough to not decide anything. I signed the divorce papers. And on one part, I had lost trust long before. So I signed. I am preparing for government exams right now, following all the conditions of living in my mother’s house. If I start making money, my mom will never let me marry. She used to take money from me but never from her son, till date. Neither does she ask for money from him nor does he give her.
She works. From my 14 to 15 age, I used to do most housework, study, and give tuitions for my fees. I was a little girl, selling my soul for just a small compliment. But she never showed any affection. She never celebrated my success, never was she with me in my tough times. I was the only one who always had to compromise. I was the soft target for her frustration, anger from the workplace. Till the age of 26, I went to a parlor only once for my wedding (that too, sent by ladkewale)because my mom says all these are useless.
I never did anything to make me feel feminine. I had boy cut hair till the age of 12 because my mom wanted a boy, and unfortunately, I was a girl. Now… (in 2021 I left India; in 2023 I came back) in 2024, he (my ex-husband) is promising me change. He never actually stopped texting. (I blocked him for almost a year, but he managed to get others’ phones.) Still, he texts me saying come back. He is 34 now and I am 26. But I still do not think he is responsible enough.
Even I do not want the disrespect, the pain, the loneliness. But this is about choosing which pain to endure, which pain will hurt less. Should I accept his offer and go there and live a detached life? There, I will be able to be there for my kids, give them affection the affection that I have never received or Should I stay here and…!!! Do a government job (I am academically good enough to get the job in merely a year)?
Question: What should I do?
Option 1: Go back
Option 2: Stay