Confession of frustrated newly married husband

I’m at my wit’s end. My marriage, which I thought was solid, is falling apart, and I feel completely helpless.

I married my long-term girlfriend from college, thinking it was the start of a beautiful life together. Everything was fine until we got married. She’s extremely introverted, while I’m more of an ambivert. Right after our wedding, I had to move to a different state for my postgraduate studies. The program was grueling, with night shifts every three days, so I suggested she stay at home and prepare for her exams. I genuinely believed she was comfortable there my parents treated her well, and there were no issues. But after three months, she said she stay at home and prepare for her exams. 

I genuinely believed she was comfortable there-my parents treated her well, and there were no issues. But after three months, she said she was lonely and wanted to move in with me. Although I had reservations, thinking it might be too much for her to handle while preparing for exams, I agreed and even found an apartment. But then she decided to stay at her parents house instead.

This is where everything started going downhill. Her parents are toxic, constantly criticizing her, but she refused to leave them because she’s attached to her dogs. I visited her and my mother regularly whenever I got a break, but the distance between us only grew. I realized too late that I made a huge mistake by not insisting we live together right after marriage. I’ve apologized countless times, even in front of my mother, but she says the damage is done and she’ll never forgive me.

Five months ago, I finished my course and returned home, but she refuses to come back. She won’t call my parents or participate in any family events. She hasn’t visited our home even once and insists she can’t leave her dogs behind with her parents. Meanwhile, I keep up with her parents and relatives, trying to make things work, but it’s always one-sided.

Everyone in my family thinks we’re practically separated. She demands that I call her every day at 9 PM sharp, and if I’m late due to guests or meetings, she explodes into a fit of rage. She doesn’t want a divorce, but she also refuses to visit me or stay with my family, yet expects me to visit her frequently and stay at her parents’ house.

She picks fights over things that are out of my control. Even if the car breaks down on a trip, she blames me and starts an argument. She constantly criticizes my family, accusing me of favoritism whenever I do anything with my mother.

Today was the last straw. My cousin from abroad came to visit, and they wanted to meet her, but of course, she refused to come. She had the nerve to start a massive fight, accusing me of spending too much time with my family. She flipped out because I called her an hour late. I had to endure her tirade, as usual.

I’m beyond embarrassed when relatives ask where she is. I’m tired of lying and making excuses for her absence. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I feel like I’m losing my mind.