Confession of unexpected twist on his first night

I (29M) have been married for 1.3 years after a 3.2-year dating phase with my wife. The honeymoon phase has turned out to be 10 times more challenging than our entire dating period.

Here’s the Backstory:

1. When we started dating, I mentioned I was planning to go to Canada to earn more and help my dad with debt. I didn’t realize she took this as a sign that I didn’t want to stay with my family in the future.

2. To be upfront, I shared all the issues my brother’s wife had caused with my mother, hoping she’d be prepared for potential conflicts. Instead, this made her fear being around my brother’s family.

3. Anticipating that she was growing distant from my family, I made it clear two months before proposing that I wanted to stay with my parents. She agreed at the time.

We got married in May 2023. Just 56 days later, my mother joked about how she wasn’t allowed to visit her in-laws often back in the day. My wife interpreted this as a personal jab and got upset, feeling that my family was uncomfortable with her visiting her own parents for extended periods. Despite my explanations, she hit me with an ultimatum: either we get a separate home, or she won’t consider starting a family with me.

Over the past 15 months, we’ve had 36 arguments (I keep a journal) where one of us has ended up in tears. I’m not saying my mother is blameless-out of six noted issues, I’ve been working with my mother (63F) to correct behaviors that could harm our relationship. She has been trying to support us by not repeating those mistakes. Still, my wife continues to be hurt by daily issues.

Example: My wife and I were talking in my work area with the door open. My mother, in a state of panic, entered the room to quickly share something. This upset my wife, who felt her mood was ruined because my mother didn’t say “excuse me” and interrupted our conversation.

All these small incidents are piling up, making my wife increasingly frustrated. Knowing how much I value peace, she seems determined to push me into deciding to move out by making our home environment unbearable.

Now, I’m in a tough spot. My wife’s ultimatum is clear: if I don’t provide a separate home, I shouldn’t expect to have a baby with her. It’s hitting me hard that to start a family, I might have to leave my parents behind.

Has anyone faced this kind of situation? How would you handle it?