Four years ago, when I was 42, just before COVID hit, I met an amazing woman (then 38) from another country. Both of us were struggling with the aftermath of previous relationships. She was a divorcee, and I was going through one myself. We found common ground and grew close. I even traveled to meet her a few times.
At some point, we realized we were meant for each other and were healing one another with our love. The connection was surreal. Unfortunately, COVID hit, and we couldn’t meet again. But we kept the flame alive for a year and a half, and our love grew even deeper. However, over time, I began to feel the burden of the delayed settlement process from my previous relationship.
Then, the impact of COVID brought additional guilt from being separated from my child and causing my parents distress. The physical distance didn’t help; it put my life and mind into jeopardy. Due to my own mistakes, magnified by COVID, I ended up hurting this incredible woman. She had put all her love and faith in me, as I had in her, but I did the worst possible thing by breaking up with her.
At the time, I felt I was wasting her time and thought nudging her to move on would give her a chance to find someone more deserving. I even went so far as to make her hate me. Ultimately, she left in anger and frustration, blocking me completely (which is still the case). She tried to move on, though not successfully, and is still struggling with her life at 42.
She is in a poor mental and financial state. Once she left, I realized that I had hurt myself deeply as well, as my love for her was real. Her absence left a huge void in my life. After 3-4 years, I came full circle to a truth: no matter what I do to move on, my life doesn’t feel complete without her. Now, I am on a journey to undo my mistakes and fulfill the promises I made.
She has cut me off and won’t open her heart to me again (rightfully so, as it’s my fault). She sees me as a deceitful person. So now, I’m considering a patient, gentle approach-waiting and hoping that maybe, one day, she will trust me enough to give me one more chance.