I met a girl over a dating app. Our vibe matched over books, and we used to speak about them a lot. After some weeks, she started giving me hints that she liked me. I proposed, and we had a happy long distance relationship for 6 months. I used to travel 48 hours by train just to spend 8 hours with her, bunking our college. This happened 6 times, and we used to speak daily through calls and chatting. It was almost like we were living together.
When I proposed, she revealed that she had a past and wasn’t a virgin anymore, and that guy hadn’t treated her well. Her parents didn’t treat her well either. So I decided I would always be available, never shout, or scold her. On her birthday, I got disappointed for the first time. She invited a boy for drinking, and I openly expressed how I felt. But she bottled up her emotions, and I think that’s when she lost that spark.
I explained to her many times that bottling up leads to thoughts where you feel I can’t understand you. But honestly, I was putting in every effort to make her feel loved like writing 7 letters on Valentine’s week. If I ever got disappointed, I always communicated openly. Now, there were these sessions where she totally changed into a cold person. For every little reason we fought, she would say, “let’s break up.” At that moment, I would beg, try to explain, but she would abuse and blame me.
During one of those sessions, she went drinking alone and kissed a boy. I forgave her because she was drunk. I used to cry on calls trying to sort things out, but she would push me away. Only after 24 hours of begging would she come back, and this became a pattern over the last 2 months. I found out that she was speaking with her friend on Snapchat for the past month every time we fought. She lied to me and went to movies and restaurants with him.
He treats her as a friend, but why hide that from me? When I questioned her, her response was, “I need a person where I could say bad things about you, and you must not know.” She wasn’t the same girl who once told me communication is key. She always pushed me away in anger and never acknowledged anything, but I always forgave her and put in the effort to sort things out, even after everything.
I showed her examples of how she changed. Like at the start of the relationship, she asked if I would allow her to drink alcohol. But later, she made me promise never to say a word about her dresses or drinking. If she had expressed her boundaries, why would I restrict her? But she said at the start she was testing me. One day, during the same kind of session, I wanted to break out of this pattern.
I explained, reviewed our past 7 months, and suggested taking a break. But she wasn’t ready to put in that effort. While I was begging her in chats, she almost sexted someone. When I questioned her, she blamed it on her sister. That’s when I lost respect. And still, she blames me for not understanding her even after I never shouted at her, even after all the begging. She never had a solid reason to break up.
But if so, right after entering the relationship, why did she say it must lead to marriage rather than just dating? She loved the feeling of love, not me, right? She never truly chose this relationship. I am afraid are there people out there who even acknowledge these efforts? Or, as people say, should we never love too much?
Do I even fit into this generation? Are there people out there who, even after sharing my past, would be ready to accept me? Or is the world tired of people being open with their partners?
Question: Are there people out there who, even after sharing my past, would be ready to accept me? Or is the world tired of people being open with their partners?
Option 1: Yes
Option 2: No
Option 3: Am I thinking completely wrong?