Hi, I’m a 24 years old, very sensitive girl. At one point in my life, I was going through a rough phase. My best friend left me without giving any reason, and I couldn’t accept it. Because of that, I started having panic attacks. I was in a very bad place. One day at work, I saw him. At first, I didn’t like him much, but after a week, he started talking to me. He comforted me during my bad times, so I started following him on social media.
We talked randomly, and I began liking him more. He was sweet and clearly knew I liked him because I didn’t hide it it was obvious. As time passed, I started liking him even more. But my friends warned me that he might already be committed and told me not to get too attached before knowing for sure. So, I decided to ask him if he was committed. He said yes. I was shocked.
I decided to stop talking to him, but I couldn’t. I was already seeing a therapist for my panic attacks, and I told her about this. She advised me to move on, but I couldn’t, and my panic attacks became more frequent. So, I thought I should express my feelings to him. I told him I loved him, but he didn’t respect my feelings. He said he didn’t realize I was that serious about him and that’s why he had talked to me. He told me I didn’t even know him fully.
After that, he started avoiding me. I couldn’t bear it, and my panic attacks worsened. I even attempted suicide once. I asked him for help, explaining that I was having negative thoughts and needed time to overcome it. But he thought I was blackmailing him and treated me very poorly. After that, I stopped talking to him for a while, but the panic attacks persisted. My therapist advised me to completely cut off contact, and I did. After a week, I wasn’t myself.
I became so depressed that I attempted suicide more than 15 times. I was losing my mind and couldn’t focus on anything. My therapist was busy with personal matters, and I didn’t know what to do. Finally, I admitted to myself that trying to forget him was costing me my life. So instead of trying to forget him, I decided to love him unconditionally, even though he treated me badly. I told him this, but he didn’t respond, and I was okay with that. Since then, I haven’t had any suicidal thoughts. I’m okay now.
I’m proud of myself for being able to love someone so deeply, even though he isn’t for me. I will love him until time heals me. Loving him is easier than trying to forget and move on.