I’m a 28 years old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 10 years. We share a strong bond and have a good understanding of each other, despite always being in a long distance relationship. He makes the effort to visit me often, loves me deeply, and we even travel together at least once a year. We’re both financially stable and planning to get married in the next 1 to 2 years.
I feel secure with him and can see a future together. While I enjoy our physical intimacy, I don’t feel that “crazy in love” spark anymore. He’s a great guy, and I believe I can marry him because we’ve been good together for so many years. But here’s where everything gets complicated. I have a female friend from work. We’ve been working together for 2 years, and she’s become one of my closest friends.
When we first met, she was going through a breakup after a 5 years relationship, and I was there for her every step of the way. We spent so much time together eating, hanging out, and just being there for each other. Talking to her every day became a habit. I found myself so attached to her that I could go without talking to my boyfriend but not without talking to her. We would talk for 3 to 4 hours a day. She always saw me as just a friend and prioritized me above all others.
But over time, I developed a deep attachment, an obsession even, and feelings of love for her. I wanted to confess how I felt, but I was terrified of how she would react. I feared it would destroy our bond. Now, she’s started talking to a new guy and seems serious about the relationship. I’m happy for her because she’s finally found someone who makes her happy. But I also feel jealous and sad. Despite this, her friendship towards me hasn’t changed she still gives me first priority among her friends.
Lately, I’ve become bipolar, swinging between neutral, depressed, and blank moods. But I always pretend to be happy in front of her. No one knows what’s going on in my mind. I’ve become a mess, unable to concentrate on work, always lost in my thoughts. Sometimes, I try to avoid talking to her, but other times I just want to talk to her for hours. I know I’ll never tell her how I feel, but I have no idea how to control these overwhelming emotions.