My history I’m an introvert, selectively extroverted. Throughout my college life, I’d hardly talk to any girl. Girls were like aliens to me. I did hear sometimes from my friends that some girl in my class liked me, but I didn’t know what to do, so I just left it. A few years went by, and I made good, genuine friends and sisters after I joined the office. They came to me and initiated conversations. They taught me to respect women and that a no means no.
Over the years, I might have asked a girl out if I liked her. They rejected me, and I’d just leave it there. After 4 to 5 rejections, I stopped asking girls out. I just made many good, genuine friends (both male and female) and pursued my hobbies. I never chased women as that’s not my thing.
My Case: I was 29 when I joined this new office. Two girls and one guy were talking to me. The guy left, and it was just me and the two girls. We were like a gang. We went out for coffee breaks, had lunch together like good, genuine friends. They both already had boyfriends. One girl (let’s call her P, 23 years old), who’s in a long-distance relationship, once told me she wanted something short term. I told her no, saying I catch deep feelings easily. Another time during some random conversation, she asked if I’d ever marry a smoker.
I clearly told her no, stating I wouldn’t marry a smoker or drinker (she smokes and drinks often). After this, she got a bit upset and acted awkward. Because of this, I slowly started developing feelings for her. As time passed, we spent more time together in the office, discussing work related and personal matters. We went on trips together and had a strong bond. Another girl (S, 26 years old) also liked me, but she was going to get hitched with her boyfriend soon. It’s been a year, and I had a strong, close friendship with them both.
Our manager initiated a plan to go to Goa. Our manager was very friendly, supportive, and good at the office (M: 36 years old, married, and has kids). So we agreed to go. On the way to Goa, they were all discussing finding partners for ourselves. I felt awkward and did not participate in that conversation. We were visiting places during the day, and my manager told me, “Go and do with S.” I just ignored him while he was flirting with P. Later that day, we partied and came back late at night. I was very tired, so I lay on the bed.
Then P also lay next to me and turned towards me. So I told her, “Abey yaar, go to your room and sleep.” She went away, and they were all talking double meaning jokes. I was not feeling good, so I went to sleep. I was feeling awkward and didn’t like being there, so I went out alone in the morning to surf and spend time on my own. They woke up late and joined me in the evening. We went to another party. Every time we went to a party, I was always protective of my female friends I didn’t let other guys hit on them. There was some guy trying to hit on S.
I was being protective of her, for which later my manager scolded me because I interrupted them. Then on the way back home late at night, we stopped for tea, and my manager told me, “You take S and go to the hotel and do her or go to your room and sleep.” I was completely shocked, didn’t know what to do – I just went to the hotel and dozed off. I just wanted to leave that place and come back home. Throughout the trip, the manager was flirting with P and she was resisting it. I didn’t like any of that and lost all the respect I had for my manager.
We came back to Bangalore, and the next day I spoke to my close friends. P told me that the manager asked her to come sleep next to me, and I told S that the manager was asking me to do her. I respected my close friends, like I always had. P stays in a PG with her roommate. S, who was going to get married, stays with her boyfriend. P’s roommate left for her hometown, so she said she’d be scared at night and wanted me to sleep over at her PG. I felt awkward and didn’t go.
S’s boyfriend, who also went to his hometown to prepare for the marriage, was also home alone, and my manager was persuading me to sleep at S’s house throughout the week. I declined everyone… with everything that was happening, I was only developing more feelings for P. The following weekend, there was a house party at S’s place. They were all drinking and smoking. There were around 10 people. Our manager was being very touchy with P. He inappropriately touched her multiple times, and she didn’t say much.
I was completely shattered and wanted to punch that mofo out of there. I just wanted to leave that place and go home, as I didn’t want to make a scene. But they didn’t let me go. Next, we were playing a game during which P started rubbing her front body against my back. I moved away. I didn’t know what to do throughout that night, I was running through all sorts of emotions and didn’t know how to react. The next morning, I left early and messaged P saying I don’t trust her anymore. Later in the office, I told her I had caught feelings for her.
I told her I didn’t like how the manager touched her and that men take advantage of women when they’re drunk. I told her I’d protected her a lot and couldn’t stand other guys hurting her. For this, she asked me not to talk to her and told everything we spoke about to our manager. They then started playing mind games with me. My workstation was between P and the manager. I was literally in tears sometimes. I didn’t talk to anybody in the office for days. I was praying to God to help me get out of that situation.
It’s been 3 months now. S is now married and has left the job. P and I have started talking again. She’s made other friends and talks to me less. I was hurt a lot not because P rejected my feelings, but because she was my close friend and what she did hurt me deeply. We helped each other a lot at work and in personal life like best buddies (before the Goa trip) and cared about each other. I now talk to my manager only for work. I freaking hate that mofo because I feel, because of him, our friendship got hampered.
I feel the manager and one more colleague purposefully tried to break a good, genuine friendship. During the time I wasn’t talking to P, she kind of got close to the manager, and this bums me out a lot. Also, in the process, I pushed away all the feelings I had. I didn’t talk about the past incidents with her because I’m scared it might ruin the friendship again. I don’t even like P saying a word to the manager. I want her as a close friend like we were before without any expectations. I care about her a lot and don’t want her to get involved in these shitty habits. I want the best for her.
Question: What should I do next? I have no clue about what I should do.
Option 1: Just forget the past and be how we were before
Option 2: Confront her actions and risk everything
Option 3: Don’t do anything, just go with the flow