I am a 30-year-old female who got married a year ago and is living with my husband abroad. I resigned from my job in India to move here after marriage and am currently looking for a job. My husband is a wonderful person-loving, caring, helpful, and great in every way that a woman could want. However, I am often disturbed by the situations involving financial expenses that my husband incurs for people who are not his responsibility.
He constantly sends money whenever his cousins need it, whether for educational fees, trips they want to take, or project fees. In addition, he sends money to his entire family for every festival. He has an uncle who is 45 years old, does not have a job, and his family depends on my husband. My husband also has a brother who is married and has a daughter, both of whom he financially supports as well. Essentially, my husband is the only one in his family who is doing well and living abroad.
He’s been abroad for only two years, and he has already spent a significant amount on our marriage. It’s not that we have a lot of savings here just because we’re abroad. The cost of living and expenses are very high, and my husband tries to save money by taking the bus instead of a cab, hesitates to invest in clothes for himself, and rarely buys anything expensive. He even avoids buying multiple winter clothes, saying he’s happy with the one he has.
I am not the type of person to get jealous if we are helping someone who is in need of money, but due to the reasons I mentioned above, I start feeling like if my husband didn’t spend money on people like his cousins or his uncle’s family, he might not restrict our spending here. I also strongly believe that each person should be responsible for their own expenses, as I have always been an independent working woman before I moved abroad. My husband and I don’t have any issues except for this, which causes me to get angry and upset whenever I hear about him sending money to people he’s not responsible for.
I sometimes stop talking to my husband for half the day. Also, his family does video calls every day, which I am not comfortable with and find irritating as it happens daily. I understand if his mother wants to talk to her son, but these daily calls also include his brother, his wife, and his daughter. I don’t feel comfortable with the whole family wanting to video call every day. Their conversations and behaviors make me feel like they just want to stay in constant touch with us to monitor what we’re doing every day and to ensure my husband keeps up his responsibility of taking care of them.
I don’t understand why my husband feels the need to take care of his brother’s family and his uncle’s family. Both of them should be earning for themselves, in my opinion. Sometimes when I ask him for things I need, he says it’s not in the budget or that it’s not necessary. Things I ask for are usually around 10k or less. But when he sends 30k+ for his cousins’ education or 10k+ for festivals in India, it disturbs me. I wonder if he didn’t send money to them, might he use it here when I ask for something? I am financially dependent on him here, as I am looking for a job and don’t have active bank accounts abroad.
Should I not interfere in my husband’s financial decisions regarding what he spends on them?
Should I ignore his expenses on them and just ask for what I need here? I am just worried that these issues are causing disturbances in our relationship. The daily video calls, which feel fake, make me feel like they just want every update about us.