I am a girl with my own dreams and a happy life. When I was in 9th standard, he used to come along the way to my school and harass me to love him, sending letters and chocolates. I never took them, so he sent them through my friend. He is my family friend, 10 years older than me, had completed engineering, and was working in an internet café. Before me, he had many girlfriends and was a drunkard, but he stopped drinking and quit all those habits for me.
After completing 10th standard, I accepted him-I had no other choice. He was the love of my life, and I was his whole world. He had the mindset of getting married, but I dreamed of a better future with him after completing my studies. After finishing my intermediate studies, I joined long-term coaching. During the COVID lockdown, he forced me every day to get married and even threatened to die if I didn’t go with him. One day, I accepted after realizing how much he loved me, despite our past.
When my family found out, my dad put him in police custody for 15 days, and the police beat him. He was hospitalized after that. At the time, I went to the police station without my parents’ knowledge-my father also worked as a home guard at the same station. I had no other option. We were deeply in love. This happened in January 2020.
We belong to the same village, live on the same street, and our houses are in the same line. We eloped and went to the police station. My father brought his friends there, and my parents abused me and beat me badly-it happened many times in my life. They would regularly abuse me after finding out about our relationship. They also abused his sisters and mother and put a condition that they should never return to the village, or else they would kill us both.
After some fights, I got pregnant. He cared for me during the pregnancy but not for me as a person. His family didn’t like me because of the disputes with my family. My health was not good-I was 20 then, and he was 30. I had dreamt of a beautiful, happy life with him, but we would argue regularly over family disputes, and he would hit me. He never liked spending time with me. Every day, he would go out with his friends, chill, and watch night shows at the theater. Whenever I asked him to go out for a movie or something, he would refuse and start ghosting me.
After my delivery, my life became worse. Не completely avoided me. His family created disputes between us by constantly talking about my family, causing distance between us. He used me for his physical needs-but only when I approached him, as we slept separately after delivery. For six months, I had to do all the household chores and endure his family’s harsh words and his anger.
Our house collapsed due to heavy rains, so we moved upstairs to his sister’s house in the same village, where she continued to create dramas. He demanded that I do all the household chores for his sister and treated me like a slave because I had no support. His mother slept beside us on a separate cot with his sister’s children. We had no time to spend together or talk, which distanced us even more. I was emotionally and physically abused every time we fought.
He never loved me. After enduring a year of abuse, my parents started talking to me again, but they didn’t like the situation and would abuse me daily. One day, I couldn’t take it anymore and went to my mother’s house, but I returned after a month. He hit me again and abused me-it became a cycle.
After my second pregnancy, he hit me again. This time, I was emotionally drained, so I left with my first child and went to my parents’ house. He demanded custody of our child and asked for a divorce, saying, “Keep the child in your womb and give me my first child.” His mother refused to let me take my son. We went to the police station and got my child back, but I had no rights over him. He gave my child’s custody to his mother and sister while I was still alive.
During this time, he had a sexual relationship with a girl young enough to be his daughter. When I confronted him, he blamed me and started hitting and abusing me again. This time, I hit him back-it happened a week ago. When I delivered my second child, he came to the hospital, saw the baby, and immediately left without even looking at me or speaking to me.
He hasn’t called or texted me since. When he’s drunk, he calls to blame me for his actions. He never asked about my health during my pregnancy or postpartum period. After all this, my parents sent me back to my marital home. He planned a Mundan (hair ceremony) but didn’t invite my family-only my parents and brother. When I questioned him, he beat and abused me.
In five years of marriage, he never took me to a movie, never bought me a saree-nothing. All my clothes were bought by my parents. He never cared about my love or health. I was a topper in my studies, but I ruined my life with this man. He barely talks to me and only uses me for physical and household needs. He doesn’t want me; he only wants my children.
He never bought me a phone because his sister told him not to. He controlled every aspect of my life. I bought my own certificates with my brother’s help using my dad’s money after three years. Even though he had money, he never gave me a single rupee. I still love him, and I want him-but his actions have ruined my life. He told me outright that if he had to choose, he would prefer his family and friends over me. He doesn’t need me anymore.
I finally asked for a divorce, but after knowing about his affairs, he refuses to give it. He only wants the kids and says, “Go file for divorce, I won’t come anywhere or do anything.” Is it wrong for me to crave his attention, care, or love? I feel like I’m trapped. He owns another house in a nearby village, but when I ask about shifting, he refuses because his four sisters object. He says he won’t leave his sister’s house.
In winter, the shed we live in is too cold, and our children suffer from lung congestion, yet he does nothing. We struggle with extreme cold in winter and heat in summer. He never gives me money, even when my phone needs repairs, but he has money to enjoy with his friends and take trips to Goa, Bangalore, etc. He spent ₹50,000 on our children’s hair ceremony but refused to give me ₹1,000 for a saree. He also refused to celebrate our marriage ritual four months ago when my father asked. He doesn’t respect me or my family. He won’t even talk to them.
I’m tired of his and his sisters’ and mother’s behavior. I want a divorce. I want to pursue medicine-I’m good at studies. Last year, I took the NEET exam and scored 338 marks with only two months of preparation while staying at my mom’s place. My parents are ready to support me financially for my studies. I am currently in my second year of a degree program-my father forced me to join last year.
I still want him, but the harsh reality is that he will never change. Is it wrong for me to ask my husband for love and care? ~ Anonymous