I was in a relationship with my husband for six years before marriage and have now been married for three years, all of them long-distance. We always wanted to stay together after marriage. We were working in different cities before marriage and planned to get jobs in the same city to live together. However, we got married without securing jobs in the same city due to his family’s pressure. Later, I got into a hybrid work arrangement.
To give some context, my family depends on my earnings. Things changed after marriage when his parents started keeping both of us busy with even the smallest demands, constantly monitoring us, even when they were away. My husband and I hardly got any quality time together, even on weekends. This started affecting me mentally, as I was emotionally dependent on my husband even before marriage. We went through many hardships together.
Whenever I returned to my hometown for work, I went through a rollercoaster of emotions, realizing how his parents manipulated both of us into staying. At first, I ignored it, believing his parents were similar to mine and that fathers might be deeply involved in their children’s lives. But things got worse when we couldn’t make any decisions on our own, leading to fights over petty things. I started visiting his house less- from nine months a year to hardly seven months last year.
I felt extremely lonely, even with my partner around, and even developed health issues. Meanwhile, my husband faced backlash because I wasn’t around, though I only realized this recently. I was always told that they supported me, my earnings, and my responsibility to support my family, while my husband was dealing with his own struggles. I only saw the full picture when my husband decided to change jobs without his father’s consent and faced extreme humiliation.
I stepped in when I sensed something was wrong and supported him until he got a new job (for five months). During this time, I came to understand-through my therapist and some of his friends-that my father-in-law is a narcissist. Today, my husband does not even want to meet me because he feels I did not stay with him at his house after marriage and says I am selfish. I had felt the disconnect, but now I feel emotionally drained, manipulated, and used.
My question is: Should I still believe things will fall into place with my husband? Is this what marriage is supposed to be? ~ Anonymous
Question: Was I wrong to leave him alone while I was going through depression?
Option 1: He is a child of a narcissist and needed you more.
Option 2: You’re selfish for not wanting to live at his house.
Option 3: Sort things out now and stay with him there.