Married to a Short-Tempered Man, Controlled by In-Laws

I Got married last year in February 2024 (arranged marriage). Before marriage, we spoke very little. We did have an argument, but the boy showed a nature of understanding and had no bad habits, so I agreed to the marriage.

One week before marriage, on my birthday, he asked about baby planning. I denied it, saying we should first travel, understand each other, have eye contact, and physical touch, which would eventually develop feelings and lead to intimacy naturally. He then asked about sex and advised using a pill as he was not ready for protection. I agreed. However, he became adamant, saying, “No, you’ll have to prepare yourself for sex,” and kept forcing it.

After marriage, on the first night, I denied ‘suhagrat’ (wedding night intimacy), trying to make him understand that since it was an arranged marriage, it was hard for me to open up unless he made me feel loved. Still, he insisted on getting intimate and tried touching me without any emotional connection. Out of anger, I politely removed his hand. Later, he told his parents everything and refused to shut the door while sleeping, saying, “We don’t do anything, so why shut the door?”

Later, he revealed that he wasn’t interested in marrying me because of my behavior and had informed his parents, but they forced and convinced him to get married. His mother always interrupted our arguments-whatever issues he had with me, even petty ones like keeping the fan on in summer, my sleeping habits, not changing clothes in front of my husband, and every small conversation we had. His mother would always come to me to clarify things or tell me to “adjust.”

She never asked her son to adjust. My in-laws asked how much money I had in my account. My father-in-law asked if my periods were on time and even told me to get intimate that night. Everyone in my in-laws’ house started treating me as if I had a medical issue. All this happened within just two weeks of marriage.

I was trying to adjust to a new environment and a new way of living, but nobody showed any support-they were all obsessed with intimacy. There was no conversation between me and my husband. They believed that people who leave their parents and study outside are “bad” and started saying that I had betrayed them.

I started feeling frustrated in a 1BHK apartment, with nobody to share my feelings with. Also, my husband turned out to be short-tempered. Every time I tried to explain how I was feeling, he would raise his voice, saying, “You’re not the only one who got married! Do whatever marriage is for, and you go your way, I’ll go mine.” His words hit me so hard that I started hating him.

I asked my in-laws if he had always been this short-tempered, and they said, “Yes, for the past 7-8 years, he has had the same behavior towards his parents too.” After all this, I called my father to pick me up because I couldn’t live with this new family anymore. I returned after 1.5 months (unwillingly) and tried to do what everyone wanted. I left all my hesitation behind and did what my husband wanted.

This time, he started saying, “You’re just pretending! Your parents taught you this, and you’re just following them.” Again, we were back to the same place-no conversation, nothing. In my absence, he told his parents every single detail about our relationship, even the number of times we got intimate. He started using abusive words toward me, my family, and my sister. Both families had a huge argument. Nobody likes each other, yet I am being forced to stay in this marriage because “girls have to adjust” and “small things happen.”

They took me to the hospital twice. I have lost all courage, started feeling depressed, attempted suicide, and searched for ways to die, seeing no support from anyone. I went home again, literally begging my parents to take me back. I returned after three months (forced by my parents), but still, there was no conversation between us. This time, they came up with something different-they said they wanted a baby. I denied it, saying, “Our marriage is not working properly, I can’t think of having a baby.”

I was abused and blamed-“Because of your bad deeds, your uncle died,” “We didn’t bring you into this family just by looking at your face,” “If you don’t want kids, why did you marry?” “Why did you come here?” “Who called you?” They used slurs like MC, BC, and bitch and accused me of having a past. His uncle even abused me, saying, “We haven’t brought you here to worship you!” They told me to leave my job and questioned why my sister and brother visited my in-laws’ house (they had come just once).

I do all the housework, never raise my voice unnecessarily, yet I’m just exhausted from adjusting and living like a stranger. I can’t take the anger issues of the man I married. Even he is not happy-he is only with me for a baby. We don’t like each other. He even told my mother, “Please tell her not to pinpoint anything when we get intimate and just let me do whatever I want.”

I don’t like this kind of behavior-this unnecessary male dominance. I don’t feel like talking to him at all. Please suggest the best option.

Question: Should I stay or leave?

Option 1: Stay

Option 2: Leave