I’ve been married for 10 years and have a 7 years old son. Since day one, my husband has been emotionally reserved, showing very controlled romance and feelings, almost as if he was in love with someone else. When I asked him about it, he would say, “I’m just like this. I don’t like these things. I find them pointless.” He doesn’t talk about our first meeting, first kiss, or even sex. He never kisses, hugs, or shows any kind of intimacy nothing like what you see in movies or what couples usually do.
Even sex is always on his terms, with no consideration for me. Once he’s done, he just goes to sleep. I’ve been dying inside, begging to be treated the way I see other women being treated. I’m a jolly, bubbly person, full of enthusiasm and romance, always excited for new adventures. But he never thinks about my feelings or what I want. One major reason is that my in-laws live with us, and we could never get close or enjoy intimate moments because they are involved in every part of our lives and control everything.
My in-laws are from a village, uneducated, orthodox, and started with nothing financially, whereas I’m from the city, an engineer from an educated family with a good financial background. Despite knowing the differences in our status, my husband still married me, even though both families opposed it. He talks a lot about money and my share of my family’s property. He doesn’t force me, but it’s clear that he expects me to claim it for our son’s future.
He’s supportive when it comes to family conflicts, letting me wear what I want and standing up for me when his parents cause issues. However, he also sides with them when I object to their behavior. He’s a good mediator, but my feelings and desires have been compromised for 10 years. He’s the complete opposite of what I want. He doesn’t care about dressing well or smelling nice. He’s the kind of person who, if I ask for B, will do A just to exert control. He doesn’t like me seeing any counselor because he thinks they are only after money.
His main concern is always money. My life was bearable when I started earning, but I’m forced to contribute half my salary to the household. The rest goes toward expenses because he doesn’t spend a penny on me; instead, he expects me to spend on his parents and our son. He never keeps cash at home and takes money from my wallet or his parents when needed. His family is always his priority, and even now, his parents sleep in the master bedroom while we are sidelined. He loves his sisters more than he loves me.
He earns four times more than I do but is still interested in my salary. He monitors my spending remotely and knows all my online banking passwords. My one dream of taking a foreign vacation has been dismissed as a waste of money. He told me, “If you want to go, earn it yourself.” Since I started earning, he doesn’t let me save or invest. When I asked him why, it became clear that he fears I might leave him if I ever become financially independent. But I’m too weak emotionally to make such decisions.
During this phase, I met another man and fell for him. He gave me everything I had been craving since adolescence. I do not regret being with him. I’m not afraid of getting caught. I would sacrifice anything for him. He was broken when he approached me, and we grew together. Our connection is on another level, like we were made for each other. We can’t live without each other. He accepted me, knowing I’m a married mother, and his love is unconditional. I never let him spend money on me. Our relationship is mutual.
He believes I’m the best person for him, and none of his past relationships ever lasted this long. But now, his only parent-his mother-wants him to get married. She understands him so well that she tells him he can have a personal life even after marriage. She’s fed up with her elder daughter-in-law and wants to live peacefully once he marries. Under pressure, he was forced to say yes to an arranged marriage. Now, the girl he’s engaged to is constantly in touch with him.
According to him, he’s avoiding her, but she doesn’t understand. He still takes her calls, video chats, and messages, and they’ve met twice. He claims she’s childish and said yes to the marriage despite him avoiding her. But when I saw his engagement photos, he looked happy and was smiling. When I confronted him, he said he cannot leave me but has to marry her for his family’s sake. He promised nothing would change between us. He says she’s only for his family and will not take my place. But he acts as if everything is normal, as if nothing has happened.
I’m devastated. I’ve had sleepless nights and panic attacks. I’m dying inside and don’t know what to do. On one hand, I feel like we both needed this relationship emotionally and mentally, but now the situation has changed. He will marry her, and he’ll do everything with her that he did with me. I cannot bear the thought of seeing him with someone else. I feel deep down that he’s the one I prayed to God for. Losing him feels like death to me.
But he remains calm and insists nothing will change between us, that this marriage is only for his family. What should I do? Should I let him go? Should I spend my entire life like this? Or should I stay with him? He’s ready to accept me.
Very good.
What does very good mean in this scenario.