I’m a 31-year-old woman working as an engineer in the government sector. I’ve been married for three years in a joint family setup. Before our wedding, I was upfront with my husband about my past relationships. At first, he was upset, but eventually, he accepted it, and we got married. But just 10 days into our marriage, during an argument, he blurted out everything about my past to his family. He, along with his mother, told me to leave their house, and in that moment, he slapped me and hurled abuses.
I was utterly shocked this was not the man I thought I had married. He even sent me to my parents’ home. Yet, I didn’t reveal the truth to my parents. A few days later, he came back, touched my feet, apologized, and the cycle of apologies and arguments went on for over two years. Turns out, he has anxiety issues, something his family conveniently hid from us. He doesn’t even handle his business; his father takes care of everything. He just stays at home while I head off to work every day.
After two years, he tried to change himself, and for a brief time, things seemed okay. But a few months ago, he attempted to jump from the second floor after taunting me, accusing me of being arrogant for holding a job. I rushed him to the hospital (his parents weren’t home), and it was his father and I who stayed by his side 24/7. I would go to the office during the day, and then come back to the hospital to sleep in the ward at night, eating from the canteen. His mother and sister would only bring food for his father, completely ignoring me and treating me as if I were invisible. They never even spoke a word to me.
His mother, being extremely conservative, would nitpick on ridiculous things-she fought with me over wearing a bindi, bangles, or a salwar suit. She even called my mother on the day of his accident to yell and complain, as if I were somehow responsible for everything. Though my husband apologized for the incident, he did nothing to address his mother and sister’s behavior towards me. His mother expects me to be up at 6 a.m. and work non-stop until 10 p.m., dressed fully covered, and to ask for permission just to leave the house or visit my own mother.
And mind you, my mother is all alone with a little brother, only 7 years old, since my father passed away last year. I finally told them they need to get him treated for his anxiety and get him involved in some work. After putting up with all this for a year, I told him I want to live with him in a separate house. But his answer? He can only live on a different floor in the same house because, apparently, his parents are “getting old.” As if my own mother isn’t aging or isn’t struggling alone after my father’s death!
So here I am, torn and exhausted. Should I compromise and live in the same house on a separate floor, or should I insist on a completely separate place?