This is my story. I am a 34 years old woman. After dating my boyfriend for four years, we got married. During our dating period, our relationship was on and off because he was younger than me and his career was not settled. While he tried to get his career on track, he wasn’t very proactive. Despite this, I kept trying, and eventually, after four years, he was ready to marry me. I should mention that I knew he was emotionally unavailable before marriage.
He had mood swings, was quick to judge others, and often had negative thoughts. Additionally, he used to smoke weed. Even though I was aware of all this, I ignored it, hoping that with time he would mature and change. We got married in 2022. After marriage, I started working, while he began working as a freelancer, which didn’t turn out to be very successful. Within a month of our marriage, he started showing his true colors.
Our physical relationship was almost nonexistent. He would stay in a separate room until 2 AM, smoking weed and using his mobile phone. Meanwhile, I would wake up at 6 AM, prepare food for the house, pack my lunch, go to the gym, and then head to work. I would come home by 6 PM, cook dinner, and clean up the kitchen. My in laws lived with us, and while I was at work, he would spend the entire day at home, using his phone and making a mess in the bedroom.
I tolerated all of this, even though it was affecting me greatly. After six months, I became pregnant. During my pregnancy, he suggested I get an abortion, but I decided to keep the baby. Throughout the pregnancy, his behavior didn’t change: he stayed up late, smoked weed, and only came to bed when I was already asleep. He would wake up at 11 AM and go to work whenever he felt like it.
Things worsened after the baby was born. He started blaming me for everything, criticizing me in front of both his family and mine, and telling his mother all the negative things I had said about their family. I became exhausted from the constant drama and eventually went to my parents’ house after an argument. Ten days later, he came and apologized, promising to change his behavior. For about ten days, things seemed to improve, but soon enough, he started criticizing me again.
He complained about my family and even started insulting our maid for talking to me politely, saying he would fire her. He expects me to cover the baby’s expenses and contribute to the household, claiming that since I work, I should help financially, and he would do the same. While I’m fine with sharing expenses, the truth is he doesn’t contribute to the household expenses his mother takes care of everything financially.
When he does give me money, it’s only for groceries, and he makes sure to do it in front of his mother. He spends all day at home, making negative remarks, criticizing how I take care of the baby, and mentally torturing me. I am exhausted. My mental health is deteriorating, and I have no time for myself. I no longer feel any love for him. I’m deeply concerned about my child, and I don’t want to stay with him, but separation feels impossible.
What should I do? My financial situation isn’t great, and neither my parents nor my in laws are supportive. They lecture me about changing him but never address his behavior directly. His family never points out his faults but only criticizes me. I am struggling to balance everything and am extremely worried about my child.
Be brave and bold divorce him! financial situation and family should never be a road block for mental security and peace.
Separating is not an option. Practically solution is to go with the flow. Don’t expect anything from your husband expect financial support and little easy life at home. Instead, for emotional support, have a side guy who understands you and keeps you happy.