I got married in May 2023 through an arranged marriage. Since my father knew my husband’s father (25 years ago and from the same native), he agreed to the marriage thinking that my husband would be good enough to share his life with me. I have no kids. I come from a middle-class family and work as a lecturer.
Even though my husband didn’t have a good job or the education I had, I accepted him. He did some computer e-service work. My father and I met him two or three times before the marriage, and nothing bad was found. Everyone said he was very decent. He spoke to me very politely, with no shouting at all, and told me he loved me a lot.
But after marriage, I later found that he had bad habits like drinking alcohol and eating pan. He lied about everything very often. I discovered that he lied about his education (I found a failed certificate), driving skills, etc. In between, he lost his job due to a lack of customers. He had a habit of eating out at hotels very often, which made him sick. He used to drink and sleep alone in the room, locking the door, which scared me a lot. Later, I shouted at him for all these things. I was upset about my life and didn’t expect this in our newly married days.
I told my parents about this. They scolded him and tried to correct him. But he acted innocent in front of others, making my parents seem rude and demanding in front of other relatives. This continued for months. He didn’t want to come to my native place, to relatives’ houses, or even to temples. I was the one who tried to take him everywhere so he could understand how people live, stay, and lead a better life. It was an experiment for me to look after my life and my husband.
Once, he suffered from severe health issues due to his bad habits. There came a situation where he needed an injection costing lakhs of rupees due to some nerve infection, but it was later cured with normal medicine. I stayed in the hospital for 10 days, leaving my job. I really cared for him. During that time, he was unable to walk.
I supported him with his chores like bathing and using the washroom, etc. At that time, he told me that he was stressed due to the loss of his job and health issues. But I tried to keep him engaged in yoga, reading books, and spiritual chanting to help him get better. But he didn’t leave his drinking habits. Some others supplied him with alcohol in my absence. His parents never bothered about it. They got angry whenever I shouted at him. But he didn’t bother about his responsibilities as a husband, son, and son-in-law. He was lost in his own world.
I told him to open his own shop and assured him of financial support, but he didn’t have the courage to do that either. Whatever he earned, he spent on alcohol. By then, he continued drinking without my notice. I found him stealing money from his mother. I also discovered that his gold accessories were missing. Every time I caught him red-handed, he frightened me by saying he would commit suicide or leave home. He never helped with house chores, farm work, etc. I was really worried about all of this.
At last, I warned him that I would end this marriage if he repeated it again. One day, he was caught red-handed again. But this time, he left home without my knowledge and left a message saying he would never return. I was shattered. I lodged a missing person’s complaint at the nearby police station. But the next day, he called me saying he went to a metropolitan city for a job interview. I was hopeless at that point. I left his home and went to my mother’s house. This time, I was really disappointed with his behavior. I faced mental depression.
After 4 days, he returned home, but he hadn’t found a job there. He had escaped that day because he didn’t have the courage to face me, as he was heavily drunk. It’s been 3 months since I’ve been staying with my parents. I am mentally better now. He and his parents tried to convince me to return, but they really never cared before. Every time I informed them about their son’s behavior, there were several quarrels between us. But this time, they reacted because I left their home, which was not okay for them. I told them they should arrange a family meeting, including all the heads of their family who were present at our marriage, to sort out the issue. I can’t trust him or his parents anymore. They played with my emotions.
Now, I am not really okay to accept him wholeheartedly. I have given him a thousand chances to correct himself, but he lied and cheated on me. After 15 days of this incident, he continued calling and texting me, saying he would stop all this and become a good husband. But I am unable to accept and believe it. I now have trust issues. My family is also not ready to accept him because they believe I truly deserve better than this.
I am confused about my future: whether to leave him and move on, or give him another chance. I really want to have a peaceful life. Nobody from his family comes forward to sort out the issue because they say he can’t be corrected. It keeps haunting me, wondering how to face society if I divorce him. I tried my best to make him better, but he never really worked on it.
Should I get a divorce by mutual consent? I’m sure he won’t agree to that. Will I get a better partner in the future, or will people make fun of me for not adjusting with him? He called me many nicknames and told me that he loved me a lot, but he didn’t have any responsibility towards it. He never worked hard as a husband. Just for the sake of words, I might melt again.
It was later found that my husband’s house doesn’t have proper “Vaastu” and has some complications with the gods, which is affecting our life. But I hardly believe in that. I really believe in the present, and our actions matter to me. I am really facing mental issues thinking about all this. Should I give him one more chance or end this? Even if I give him a chance, I will not be able to love him again as I did before. Everything seems so dramatic. Please help. I am mentally sick.
Question: Do I need to leave him?
Option 1: Or give him a chance again?
Option 2: Will I get a better one in the future?
Option 3: Was what I did right?
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