Married for three years in a simple, sweet family where my MIL is a typical “bechari” and FIL the “oversmart head.” All this while, there was never a rift between me and my in-laws, although I belong to a different ethnic background with different traditional values, and they are typical South Indians. I made sure to keep healthy boundaries with them, not get over-involved (as suggested by my husband), and try adjusting to their routines and customs, ensuring they had no complaints about me.
All went fine until I got pregnant. Now, I am in my eighth month of pregnancy, and each day, something or the other about my in-laws annoys me to the core. I have been brushing it off every single time, taking it as a funny note or casually overlooking it, but now I feel I have been slowly developing negative emotions about them in my heart.
To the world, my MIL is the “Abla bechari, dil ki saaf” lady who has limited knowledge of the outside world and cares a lot for the underprivileged, like maids. However, I have now started realizing that she is extremely stubborn, cannot take a “no” or the slightest disagreement, and shows micro-sadism. There are certain foods my doctor has asked me to avoid due to their negative reactions on my body, yet every time, she comes up with the same food, claiming, “Doctors just say things like that; you can have a little. We all have had and given birth.”
I try to avoid it as much as I can, but then she becomes upset. When I consume them, I show physical changes and fall sick. Then she argues with me, saying it’s not because of the food she gave but because of something else I must have eaten without her knowledge. This has now become quite a pattern. I have started maintaining distance from her, making sure my meals are now untouched by her.
Now that I have started observing small things, I see that even the smallest disagreement or a *”no”* changes the expression on her face.
I love having hot chocolate, for which I get expensive dark chocolate bars from abroad to mix in my drink. I also make sure to get separate bars for my in-laws too, as they are *”chatore people.”* Despite that, many times when I want to make my hot chocolate, my chocolate bar is missing. On asking, I get to know that they liked it so much that they snacked on theirs and my bar too. Sometimes it pisses me off so badly, but again, I cannot show it because it’s just a petty dark chocolate bar.
Another incident-previously, for a brief period, my feet were painful, and I had asked my maid to apply some oil and lightly massage them the way I told her, twice or thrice a week, for which I agreed to pay her extra. The maid agreed, but my MIL barged in and told me to massage the maid’s feet as well since she is also sick and must be tired of working in people’s houses, saying it is not right to make an underprivileged person touch feet.
I do not discriminate against underprivileged people, but what I believe is that if I am ready to pay and she is happily taking up the job, nobody else should have a say-especially when a pregnant lady makes the request.
I then started going to my mom’s place every day (we live in the same city) for my foot massages, which again was not very well accepted by my in-laws. Once, my MIL visited my mother, and my mom had a firm talk with her regarding this matter. My MIL started crying inconsolably, ran off from my mom’s place, and created a big scene, saying she is genuine and considers me her daughter and that we should be kind to our maids. She argued that even if I am a working professional, I should still be massaging the maid’s feet in return. My FIL then blasted my mom for making his wife cry. Since that incident, my mom has also grown distant from them.
Even for my baby shower, I see my in-laws are only worried about their guests, their sake-serving, and what food my mom is going to bring for their guests. They are least bothered about the beautiful rituals of ashirwad, the bangle ceremony, or anything to make me feel special, saying they do not have any rituals like that and that just feasting the relatives is sufficient. Not once did I feel warmth from their side, even though the baby shower is meant for the mother-to-be. She complains to everyone that “this girl just refuses to eat anything I give.”
Why does she not understand that eating tons of bakery products and carbs is just going to make me and my unborn child sick?
I don’t know if these things are really happening or if my pregnancy brain is just imagining all of it. Nevertheless, these small things have somehow created a deep impact on my heart, and now I don’t look at my in-laws the way I used to-with love and respect. I have started distancing myself from them, making my own meals, doing chores by myself, and just being on my own.
My entire pregnancy has been a smooth ride, but this feeling of fading love is making me bitter to an extent that even my husband sees all of it, but I guess he takes it differently. I haven’t discussed this remorse with him because they are his parents, and no one would want to hear anything pessimistic about their own parents, I believe the whole world knows they are genuinely good people, and I believed that too. Still, somewhere deep down, my gut steers away from them now.
Question: What is the real issue here?
Option 1: I am overthinking
Option 2: They are weird