Trapped With Abusive Husband And Abandoned by Family

My mother knew everything but still married me off at 18. She wanted to be independent and saw me as a burden to get rid of. My sister, who had mental health issues, is no longer alive. I was married to a verbally and physically abusive man who had an inappropriate relationship with his sister-in-law (my brother’s wife). He never loved me from day one; it was only abuse and no happiness.

Even his family supported him, and he would listen to everything his sister-in-law said. There was little physical intimacy or emotional security in our relationship. I tried to go back to my mother’s home, but she wouldn’t let me stay and sent me back. I had my daughter at 19, and six months into the marriage, I discovered that my husband was impotent. He never supported me financially, so I stayed at my mother’s house until my daughter was 3.

Then, I returned to my husband, who had moved to another state. But even there, he didn’t help me much financially. He continued his verbal abuse, even over household items, and forced me to visit his family, including his sister-in-law, every festival. He was sometimes physically abusive and showed no care during my pregnancy. After five years of struggle, I had an affair with my best friend of 13 years.

He encouraged me to divorce my husband and promised to marry me, though I knew it was wrong. He supported me emotionally and financially, helping me complete my diploma and encouraging me to stay strong. Eventually, we moved back to our home state, and my friend continued to support me financially and emotionally. He even helped with my college expenses and my mom’s surgeries, using his savings and getting into debt because of me.

Things were fine for about five years, but then he grew emotionally and physically distant, stopped loving me, and ghosted me. He became emotionally abusive, gaslighting and manipulating me, giving priority to other female friends, and posting himself on matrimony sites. In the early years, he’d asked me to divorce my husband and marry him, but I refused, wanting to be financially independent first and focus on my studies.

Now, he has left me, treating me as if I meant nothing to him. I’m in my final year of my degree but struggling to focus on my studies. My husband found out about the relationship two years ago, and his abuse has gotten worse, using increasingly hurtful words toward me and my mother, who is staying with us. She’s sick but doesn’t support me, even though she’s financially independent.

She only wants me to take care of her health expenses without contributing herself. I have some savings to support my studies and basic needs, but my husband, despite being financially well-off, provides no support. If I leave, I’m afraid of societal judgment. I’m good-looking, but without family support, I’m alone, struggling without any security. I’ve tried to help my daughter, but she has become abusive toward me, hitting me daily, even fracturing my hand.

I love her dearly, but she only loves her dad and recently reached puberty, making it even harder to connect with her. I’m currently taking medication for depression and can’t sleep well. My best friend, who had left me, is now trying to come back, offering to marry me, but I no longer trust him. In fact, I’ve lost interest in physical intimacy and feel like no man would want a woman who isn’t interested in that.

Questions:

1. Can I change my abusive husband?

2. How can I encourage my daughter to love and respect me?

3. How can I face society if my husband reveals everything about me?

4. How can I study in an abusive environment?

5. How can I overcome anxiety, depression, and binge eating?